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#randomthoughts #almost50

I'm gonna ruminate, reflect, and maybe whine and wonder a little about turning 50 over the next month, with little to some coherence, and hopefully equal amounts of humor. Along the way, I'm also gonna call in the power of a lot of badass, wild + sage energies, experiences, and goddesses.

Every once in awhile it occurs to me that I am the pinpoint of all my ancestors. The culmination of countless histories, generations, marriages and families, births, deaths, sins and good deeds, decisions, addictions, wars and ocean crossings—all the energies of which have traveled forth through time and space, a mainline of karma through the bloodline of my ancestors, whose cosmic DNA, physiology, mindstuff, emotions, and fate, now reside in me. And that everything I experience in my own life is not only affected by all that came before but will also affect everyone that comes after.

#attachmentisreal #aparigrahafail When you begin your day reading and agreeing wholeheartedly with an article about shopping as a symptom of disconnection from our true selves and as just a way of filling an imaginary void — and then, whilst out on a harmless errand, impulsively buy a pair of the most exquisite, turquoise, coral, and silver mosaic earrings because life wouldn’t be complete without them.

#loveyourwrinkles “With every lesson learned a line upon your beautiful face.” -- Indigo Girls

#midlifecrisis I am potentially in the midst of the longest midlife crisis ever. Can it start at 40 and end at 50? Did it really start at 40? Has it actually been a whole-life crisis?

#you'resovain Lean in. Let’s be honest. I admit it: I am vain AF. Does a queen want to look her personal best? Fuck yes! Does she want to feel pressured to do so? Fuck no! I am exhausted from trying to “fix” myself. So I am vowing not to try and just to be the truest me I can be. And to look good doing it.

#hormonal Midlife. Alternative phrases come to mind: extended adolescence, existential crisis, nervous breakdown, warrior training ...

#bealightuntoyourself Growing older gracefully or just growing older is a testament to whether or not you can truly stick to your word, walk your walk, and embody your beliefs. We’re not just embodying some false ideal or someone else’s ideal, some esoteric ideal … if we are lucky, we are actually becoming our true selves, which is part of the light core of every human being. And if we elevate ourselves, we inherently elevate others.

#icametoliveoutloud To really know me is to understand that I will not be invisible.

#unintentionaldoublchinnedselfie Working on feeling powerful and beautiful as fuck when I open the camera on my phone and the lens is reversed. Ack!

#identitycrisis We are told, “Be true to yourself. … All you need is inside of you. You are that pure, virgin light — you are complete.” That sounds so nice. But, Who the fuck am I?

#starstruck I am a single star in a vast, unknowable sky. And in each abundant, hope-filled moment, I simply attempt to make sense of it all.

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